"A Change In Me" (BEAUTY AND THE BEAST)

Well the last week has definitely been a little stress filled. I don't take to stress too well and I try to alleviate it as quickly as I can. I get out of the situation or find some soothing way to help me get through the situation. I have to say that my anthem "And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going" has brought me through a lot of stuff and it helped me through this one also--it's really silly but it was my referee clinic exams. Last Wednesday I had my written exams, one for the girls and one for the boys. Let me just say that I passed the girls exam, but I failed the boys exam. Yes there are different rules and sanctions for boys and girls in NYC public school volleyball. I had been prepping for the exam for days including on the plane coming back from Texas. We had about 10 clinic sessions where we had gone over the rules, taken some quizzes, and even went over last year's exam. I had done terrible on those practice ones which made me even more nervous. How could I pass this exam? I doubted myself, and I hate when I do that. I knew numbers and measurements about the court but it was the application of the rules was how the test was set-up. The answer was either (I)ncorrect or (C)orrect and it's one of those exams where one word could make a statement untrue. I was ready for that, look at the question carefully and don't second guess myself. But I did anyway. When I went in there to take the exam, I took a deep breath and started reading. And this is when the nervousness kicked in because I was hesitant about answering any questions. Even our instructor asked me if I was okay because I'm sure I had a look of confusion on my face. I finally got through the questions and moved onto the scorekeeping portion. I felt comfortable with this section when I was studying, or so I thought.

I turned both exams in and they graded them while you stood there and watched. The red pen flying through the air, hoping that it doesn't fly down on your paper. Each red mark like a slash on your arm. My boys exam was graded first and I really screwed up on the scorekeeping section. I failed that one. My instructor had graded that and he told me to wait and we would see how I did on the girls exam. The grading on my girls exam went a lot better because where I screwed up on the boys scorekeeping section I actually did correct on the girls exam but it had to do with penalty points for expulsion where all the questions after it are affected by one wrong answered question. I had a talk with the instructor and he said that I would get to do the rating session on Saturday, but I would need to pass my rating to be able to be considred for invitation to the board (that board being of NYC volleyball officials). By being on the board, I would get to referee high school matches. The written exam part was over but now it was time to put all the rules and words into action on the stand.

So the instructor emails me the location of my rating for Saturday--Aviation High School in Queens at a boys tournament. So I arrived an hour before my scheduled match, and I watched the person being rated before me. I stood behind the rater as she was doing the evaluation and I could hear how critical she was. I knew what to expect. Then I spoke to one of the ladies (a 16-year-old sophomore who showed no fear) from the clinic who had her rating earlier in the day and she gave me a simple suggestion, "Be a bitch!" I took her advice and prepped myself to take the stand. Finally, it was my turn to take the referee stand. I went through the motion of a captain's meeting, going over the ground rules, doing measurement of the net and other duties a referee does when he arrives at a gym.

I stepped onto the stand, and I tried to show no fear as all the players (high school boys) are looking at me, waiting for me to blow the whistle. I push the air and a loud sound begins this test. I'm not as nervous on the stand as I thought I would be probably because we had a couple of chances to practice at high school scrimmages and the Gotham league. I made my calls and got a few of my signals backwards. I did hesitate with a few calls but the game was pretty straightforward. I stood on the stand for two games and man did my legs hurt. I think because I locked them, apparently my legs were tensing up. Anyway, I couldn't worry about that.

After those two games, I was ready to meet with my rater and find out whether I passed or failed. I felt good with what I did. She went over it all very bluntly, my mistakes and I had to agree with her on a lot of it. She said I had "no presence"--no one would know I was a referee unless I was on the stand. I needed to be known and recognized (okay, I am mild mannered and obviously I showed it instead of being stern and authoritative). I was my normal self and not a hard-ass as I should have been. Also she said I did not communicate with the scorekeepers or line judges. I agreed. I also mentioned my lack of calls on doubles but they all looked like doubles but I was hesitant. She said CALL IT. The coaches would rather have you call it than let the player get away with a bad set. I agreed. Then she told me I passed with strong encouragement to practice at other games. She's also the assigner for the high school matches and said I could start with girls matches in the fall. They plan months ahead. So I can officially start being a volleyball referee, where to go next is up in the air?

Also last night started a new season for one of the teams we watch, so the fans met up to cheer them on. Last season's Hit It And Quit It is now this season's SofaKing. When we saw their opponents we thought they didn't have a prayer because we were basing it all on last season's performance. They had one new addition and one player who was out with injury for the season so they had a six-man team that we had seen before. Even their team knew they had a tough battle ahead of them because their weakest element with last season's team was their passing. I even asked the captain on Sunday how he thinks they will do, he said okay except for their passing. Well, they put on their lime-green league shirts and got ready to play. We six cheerleaders on the side just kept giving a lot of support, hollers, cheers, and claps. And surprisingly things were working out for them. They had won all three games in one of the most awesome matches we had watched, totally exciting and never disappointing. Ah, time for another good season!!!